Family

Why it matters?

It is said that the human brain grows to its fullest by the time the child attains five years of life. By the age of five, child has formed a basic opinion whether the world is loving or not! How they deal with or treat the world when they grow up, depends upon this initial programming.

I am sure everyone will agree with me, when I say that a balanced human being is more beneficial to the society than someone who has a distorted view of the world and hates the society.

Currently I see a lot of psychologists suggesting that most of the people’s problem originate from the way they have been treated in their childhood by their parents/guardians.

“I do not agree to this.”

I believe that whatever has happened in the past can be negated by a mature mind so that it does not have a lasting effect on the individual anymore. It is only when we start believing in this narrative that my problems are because of my parent’s behavior, financial condition or social status that they become our reality. Accepting this narrative breaks the foundation of the very loving surroundings that most of us get when we are born, i.e. family.

Here, I talk about normal families (Normal median is 95%), where the parents are not overly psychologically disturbed. Families in general mostly welcome a child in the family with genuine happiness and do what is the best available as per their existing resources. Anyone, who has witnessed the sacrifices the parents, especially the mother, make till the child starts walking, will agree that it is an example of selfless love. She does not care about her hunger, her lack of sleep, her tiredness the moment the child cries. The father, too, leaves no stones unturned to provide everything that the mother and child needs. This family makes the child trust in the world. The larger family in most of the traditional societies love the child equally. The saying in Africa that “It takes a village to raise a child” is true in most of places. In India, especially the larger family of chachas, mamas, mausis, buas (All families of parents siblings), cousins and so on give a variety of options for the child to choose from. In villages in India, it was not very uncommon that a child might have taken milk from the breasts of multiple lactating mothers in family. The child is everyone’s child. She is loved beyond her parents. This is such a great psychological net that gives one the solution for every type of problem that one faces in life, unless we have started considering them as our enemy.

The current state of stress, depression, loneliness etc. stem from the fact that the psychological protection of the family is going down. It is like complaining of global warming, but keep on felling trees for roads and buildings. The things which are solution, has been named as problems by the present-day research, which is taking things to extreme. There is scientific fact that if we magnify the food or water 200 times, we can’t eat or drink the same any more. Everything is being seen with a microscopic lens these days and that is the problem.

The societies are different, their customs are different, their thought processes are different. If we, in the name of equality, force to make everyone same, everything will go wrong. In my other article on Equality, I have given the example of massive problems faced by marine life, when ballast water in tankers was exchanged from one part of the world to the other. Fortunately, the same was understood by IMO experts and solutions provided.

When families break, neither the parents nor the children are benefitted. The only one who profits is the sellers, the service providers whatever they are catering to. The number of consumers go up in the same family. And the economic necessity of earning more, brings more distance between the parents and the child. Parents have no time for the child. Nannies and KG schools galore and somewhere the child feels neglected, drifting from the parents, thus confirming the narrative that children are not cared for by the parents. The cycle is complete. Welcome to the real world.

To have money to buy things that are not needed till the TV ad tells us that our life is incomplete till we have this product or till we visit that place, is the goal of our life now. Life is lived for social media, even during birth, death, marriage, birthdays, visits to tourist places times. The schools that the child must go to, colleges they must attend – these are reasons parents are forced to spend time away from their children to earn more, not knowing that being away from the children is creating more distance between the parents and the child. We are into a loop. We are so obsessed with external appearances that the day may not be far off that a painting of Sunset will move us more than the actual sunset from a sea beach or from the top of a mountain.

I am surprised to see that family has become a 24X7 ATM and free restaurant for children, who still blame their parents for their failure to tackle the life. They do no chores for the house, but expect everyone to understand their trauma.

I hope children are taught that parents love their child and will go to any extent to sort out their problems, which is true for a vast majority of parents. There is NO substitute for family support. Children must understand that parents are also individuals, having their own shortcomings, limitations. Family gives a cushion to fall back on, anytime you are thrown out of balance. Half of the individual’s problem will be taken care of, if they have a family behind. Children need to be a tool to make the family stronger, where they are born. Failing to do so, will be harmful for the society. All of us will get affected adversely. Forgetting wisdom of thousands of years for a new study done in 5 or 10 years on a small batch of population may put one in great trouble.

All the best for what you chose on your path to future.