Discipline

We are nothing without it.

The current world scenario takes the word “Discipline” mostly in a negative fashion, linking it to dictatorship and loss of individual freedom. For me, this is one of the most important positive words that is essential for everyone, whoever wants to live a purposeful life. Why it is so, is because I see this word from a different angle, with a different focus. While people treat this word as if being imposed externally, I look at it, if I were exercising it internally.

Even dictionary defines it both ways – To make other fall in line and to train your mind. How we see this word “Discipline” is a question of our mindset about which I wrote here and in my LinkedIn newsletter a couple of days back. If our default meaning of discipline is to make others obey rules and regulations, we miss out on the more important meaning of training our mind. For me, discipline is about self and to understand that I must be grown up, mature. An immature mind will always take discipline as something being forced on them and hence, they will not like it. The unfortunate part is the inability of current generation of child psychologists is to see this point.

For these experts, children should not be disciplined as they will lose their naturality and may get traumatized. Of course, they can get traumatized if unnecessary discipline is instilled in them, but the lack of the same is equally harmful for them. A child’s mind is a fertile blank field. If you don’t plant good seeds there at right time, weeds will automatically come out. And if they are taught wrong things, even that will grow. Example is children getting trained into extremists – radicalizing teachings in a very disciplined fashion.

I am writing this article basically as my opposition to the current prevalent fashion of giving a complete free hand to the children in a family while growing up, with no restrictions. For me, this is another extremism. The children have to be kept in control. They have to be taught, what is right and what is wrong, what is allowed and what is not allowed. Children must know the boundary in which a civilized person lives. They must understand the concept and value of discipline.

Let us talk of any scenario in the world. Take any group, even a small family. Some one has to take the lead, if the group has to be led on a specific productive path. In the name of equality and independence, a random person can not be asked to lead the organization. It will be a disaster. And frankly, disaster in happening. Children have lost direction. They feel they are right all the time and exert their right to intrude in the running of family affairs despite not having any experience of the same. The involvement of kids in decision making in every aspect of running a home grows the child into an immature person, who will feel that the world is against them, anytime their voices are not heard. They will turn into dysfunctional individuals. Parents agreeing to everything that the child demands may look good, but is highly harmful for the kids, who will be devastated the first time they hear NO to their demands.

I also do not agree to the parent role as a friend to the child. I still see the parents as a guide, as a mentor to the children in the family and their task is to make the child understand the difference between right and wrong. Their task is not to make the children happy all the time. Their task is to make the children sensible individuals who are as concerned about others, as they are about themselves.

The current parent’s children handling norm is also creating the issue of disrespect of parents by the children as kids are not ready to listen to No to their demand by their parents. Tantrums start and continue till their demands are met. Parents are scared of their children, as they do not know whether even their right suggestions will be listened to properly by their child.

All these are equally applicable in the work place, where things have to run in a system. Equality can not replace leadership. No system can function in absence of a disciplined approach or guidelines of a process. And if the processes and systems are not followed, the organization will be doomed.

Let us see, what needs internal discipline in individuals –

1. Getting up in time

2. Doing exercise

3. When to speak and when not

4. Eating moderately

5. Showing up on time agreed

6. Keeping commitments

7. Resisting temptations

These are just some of the examples. Everything in life that is valuable demands a disciplined approach from us. If we resent discipline, we will have freedom and nothing else. Choice is ours. Discipline keeps us fit and running and moving forward. It also makes us keep our commitments to others and self. You can discard it only at your peril. Discipline is actually self-control. It helps us in choosing what we want and discarding what we don’t want.

Something forced externally breaks us, but the same thing self imposed internally gives a new life. Just take the example of an egg. You break it from outside, life is over. But when the egg breaks from inside, a new life is born. When we choose discipline, we build whatever we want. When we resist discipline, whatever is built also, decays sooner or later. We always have the choice to choose our options.