Comfort in childhood

Are we going extreme soft?

Most of us can remember our childhood days. The way we lived, the shortages or abundances that we faced, the parental care, if it was present or absent. We remember what we could afford and what we could not. What was considered within reach and what was considered not within reach and hence not to be dreamt off.

Our parents also tried their best to give us whatever they could in most of the cases. In India, in early 60s and 70s, everything was limited. The money, the assets, the comforts. I am happy that I was born at that time. I remember that we had enough for our daily needs, but not for luxuries of life. House had no fridge, TV or car and we never felt the need for those gadgets. Those came when I was finishing my school time. Tough life was a routine, scarcity was normal. It is surprising that those days, I don’t remember even thinking about these shortcomings. Those days we lived, loved by our parents as if we had no shortages in the world.

We brought grass for our pet rabbits; we brought water from far off places, when the water supply was not sufficient; we went to grocery shopping with our father every month, we brought fruits and vegetables on our own, whenever asked for by the parents; We went out in the hot summer afternoon to buy ice to make ‘sharbat”; we played different games in the evening with our friends, without asking anything from parents to buy us for our games. We got bruised in games; we managed. There was no running to parents for everything. We used to get two dresses a year, same shoe for school and family get together for years, till we overgrew the shoes. We never minded these things. We had no idea whether the parents were happy or not, but we were satisfied with life. I think I heard the word stress, as depicting some problem only in my early 30s for the first time. Till then it was a word used in our “Applied Mechanics” book only.

This entire paragraph above is not only my story; it is the story of a generation. We developed into strong persons physically and mentally, ready to take the hardships of life, ready to understand our responsibility towards our family and the society. We were not indoctrinated much in self-love. It was about us as well as others.

Compare that to the next two generations. Teenagers and their parents in late 30s, 40s or early 50s. Ever one is in a spin. Getting overwhelmed and burnt out seems to be in fashion. There are as many psychologists and counsellors in the market as there are cardiologists. Depression is one of the major health hazards. And these problems are more significant in upper class and upper middle-class children. The children, whose parents decided that their children will have the best of childhood, with absolutely no shortage of anything and a score of servants to look after the family needs, are the worst sufferers. They never heard NO. They never were exposed to physical hardships. They did not do any house chores. Their desire was fulfilled by simply asking – no efforts were needed. The world centered around their self. Outside was distraction.

These are the people, who skipped a breath, when some one said NO to them for the first time. These are the people, who got almost a heart attack, when they failed for first time. They had not failed earlier as they never tried much in the past. These are the people for whom responsibility became the reason for high blood pressure. These people knew their rights, but had no clue about their duties, as their parents fail to inculcate these values in them due excessive love and a strong desire to make their children’s child hood trouble free.

I have seen Indian parents not allowing their children to play on ground because of the fear that they might get infection. Majority of young mothers ask even their parents to wash their hands with soap before picking up the infant. This is paranoid. This way we are making their immune system weaker. NO house chores are assigned to the children, because they are busy 24X7 in doing some courses or the other for being the best in world in everything they try.

I feel that physical and mental toughness can come to the youngsters only if they are exposed to physical and mental hardships in childhood, not when they are kept in a safe cocoon all the time. Children should be treated like children, not like some breakable item that should always be kept safe. If we train the children right, the depression and other psychological issue may be reduced in the long run. Every tough situation is not trauma. The child psychologists need to accept this and tell the society accordingly, otherwise the society will continue to have weak adults, both men and women. This is what I feel. You have all the freedom to think differently.