Appreciation

Is it really our lifeline?

We all have heard about the importance of appreciation in our life, both in family and in our working spaces. We have heard that a child not appreciated by parents does not grow into a normal healthy human being. An employee not appreciated by the management either leaves the company for another job or her performances remain below par in most of the cases.

Is appreciation needed as much for our growth as basic food is needed for survival in this world? Do we have absolutely no chance to thrive in its absence?

Let us dig a bit deeper. As a child, we are vulnerable. We can be molded the way, someone else wants us to. We may even form opinions and beliefs based on what we were taught or we experienced in the childhood. We may have spent time in difficult and painful environments. We may have been traumatized. But are these chains so strong that they cannot be broken with our awareness even when we grow up to a mature human existence? Can we become accountable and responsible for our own life and its growth then or should we still find an external factor to blame for our failures in life?

From the psychologies of Freud, Jung and Adler, I prefer Adlerian psychology or individual psychology, which focuses on personal responsibility on its path to striving for superiority to overcome feelings of inferiority. Adler say that irrespective of the circumstances, we can start growing the moment we realize that past has no relevance and control on us. For that we have to accept our sole responsibility in shaping our life. If we succeed, it is our effort; if we fail, it is our failure. No blaming on parent’s lack of love, finance, social stature or even absence of parent for this failure.

There is nothing wrong in feeling good when appreciated, but to blame our failure in life on lack of appreciation in the past or present is being irresponsible. Both at work place or in family, we have a role to play, a responsibility to shoulder and we must play the role despite the hardships and the surroundings. It is our ‘Dharma” to act right as per our situation and complete our responsibilities.

There is a beautiful book which describes what I am conveying here – “The courage to be disliked”. If you want to understand that this claim is not only possible, but also quite simple, please go through this book.

When we attribute an external factor to our failure, the ego is satisfied. It feels that there is nothing wrong with it, but because of this and that, the failure took place. However, in case of owning up the responsibility of failure oneself, we see things clearly as why we failed. We analyze the root cause and work on that to become superior to what we were yesterday. It is difficult for our ego to accept this, but if we try, it is possible and workable.

Lack of appreciation does not mean that there is something wrong with the individual. The individual must work as per his satisfaction honestly in line with their roles and responsibility and defined norms. The satisfaction of a work done well is equal to or more pleasant than the appreciation of the others. The faster we come out from our need of appreciation from others in whatever we do, the faster we can climb higher on our pursuit of growth.